I'm so excited to start posting birth stories I've received from mamas from around the world who were lovely enough to share some of their most personal moments with us! I had a wonderful (but looooooooooong and painful) natural unmedicated vaginal birth (you can read my shortened birth story here, longer one here) and love to hear the good the bad and ugly of all the different births out there!
Just a warning about the birth stories in this series - some will be wonderful and inspirational, others will be all of your birthing fears wrapped up into one horrific account... If you are currently pregnant, you should consider whether or not reading these stories will benefit you. For me, I liked to know all of the possibilities - you know, prepare for the worst, hope for the best! Others find it makes them have irrational worries and anxiety. If the latter is you, I will put a little warning on the "negative" stories and you should consider bookmarking these and come back after your little one has arrived safe and sound ^_^ Without further ado, let's kick off the series!
Here is our first birth story guest post from Aussie mom of 2, Gaye in Gifu, Japan.
**Forewarning - this could be an anxiety triggering story for currently pregnant women. Consider bookmarking for after your delivery! Well, when I was pregnant with Emily I was told by the doc, that I was "big" yeah well, surprise, surprise. I am not anorexic-size like most women in Japan! I must admit that I am big. And a lot heavier that people think I am, thanks to muscle... Anyways, getting to when I was in labour with Emily, I was taken to the General Hospital, where i was due to give birth. I was in labour for 36 hours, and in Japan they dont believe in any pain killers! I was having contractions less than 2 mins apart, and after being induced twice, there was still no luck. I had remembered that my SIL (my brother's wife) had a still birth when she had been in labour for 36 hours. Unfortunately for her the blood clotted in the umbilical chord, and the baby didnt make it... I could not see myself going through that, so I demanded my doc give me a C-section. He wanted me to have a natural birth, and I asked if I did, how much longer would it take... "Oh, 2 more days or so!" WITH NO PAIN KILLERS??? NO FKUCING WAY!!!!" Anyways, we finally all decided it was better to have C-Section. So, they took me into surgery and got me prepped with an Epidural. Actually 3 of them!! It was so strong, that I couldnt even get a big enough breath to say that I couldnt breathe! Emily was born with no probs what so ever!! Then it came to number 2! When I found out I was pregnant with number 2, I also got in biiig trouble from the doc and was given a very serious warning about my blood pressure, which was over 210 at the time! This pregnancy became a very high risk and I was on medication and had to visit my doc on a weekly basis. Usually when you see a doc when finding out that you are expecting, they usually say "Congratulations!" etc. I was told "If you don't consider terminating this pregnancy, it could cost you and your and baby's lives." I guess I can say thank you to my extremely stubborn husband for not wanting to give up the pregnancy, and wanting to fight for us. One night I had been feeling really sick from an ongoing headache I had for a few days, and I asked hubby to take me to the hospital. (I had grown up having migraines, but this was different to usual.) We went to the hospital where they checked me out, checked my BP, and told me that they have to send me to another hospital to give birth straight away, if not we could both lose our lives in a matter of hours. It turned out that my BP rose to 250/160!! (I eventually found out that high BP was in my DNA, and that was the cause of it!) I was rushed to another hospital via ambulance, that deals with high risk pregnancies and also has an NICU. They prepped me for an emergency C-section and I was given about 7 or so epidurals? None of them worked, and I could feel about everything!! They didn't use the old time scalpel, they used a laser scalpel, and I could feel it all!! It burnt like hell!!!! Apparently, the doc who stitched me up when Emily was born did a crappy job, and the scar tissue was really bad, and it took them over 45 mins to get Natalie out!! That 45 mins I was going through the agony of the laser scalpel. Man, that is hotter than getting a tattoo!!! During this time, my hubby was snapping away, taking pics on my mobile phone! I had no idea he was doing that until I saw the "detailed" pics on my phone lol. So my tiny little girl was born at 30 weeks, weighing 1127g (2.5 lbs) and 35cm (13.8 in) long. She has 2 tiny holes in her heart, and was in the NICU from Sep-Dec. At almost "9" months, she is still as tiny as ever, at 60.5cm (23.8 in) and just over 5kg (11 lb). But I am so very proud of her and what she has overcome!
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The first postpartum month was rough. I think I showered about once a week. Why you ask? Exhausted, check. Massive leakage from top and bottom that made being nude a nuisance, check. Did I mention exhausted??? I think I stepped up the showers to twice a week during the 2nd month, and then up to 3 times a week the 3rd month. Then, I met my mommy friends and actually started getting out of the house on a regular basis, which forced me to pull it together... somewhat...
So, here is the "SAHM with a New Baby" Style I've been sporting as of lately: 1) Disproportionally tan hands with the to half of fingers still rather pale and a wedding ring tan line, from strollering around the neighborhood endless hours a week. Why no sunblock? Because little one likes to suck on my hands and fingers, and I don't want him ingesting my sunblock. And not sure how much of those chemicals would end up in my milk. And, I'm a secret sun worshiper - shhhhh don't tell my sister! And as for the nails, forget the manicure. Gotta keep these bad boys trimmed short or else I accidentally scratch the bejeezus out of my poor boy when changing his clothes or diaper. Also, cuticles? What are those? Haven't seen mine in a while! 2) My scent? Not the yummy Ferragamo my hubby bought me a couple of years ago that I STILL haven't finished. Oh no. These days it's Eau du Spit-up, which is an interesting blend of sour spoiled milk with a hint of buttered popcorn (more one or the other depending on how digested the spit-up is, yum!). Also have developed a lovely B.O. since giving birth, gotta love those hormones!! Since finding out I was pregnant I stopped using regular deoderant and have been using this great liquid crystal roll-on for over a year now. While pregnant, it worked awesome, I never stunk!! But since giving birth, omg, yuck. It's getting better, slowly, but now summer is drawing near and I'm afraid. But I refuse to wear regular deo cuz of the chemicals and links to breast cancer, and don't know how well the natural sticks work, and what I love about the crystal deo is no more deo stains on my clothes!! Ugh. 3) My hair also screams new mom. Thinning, receding (Again, thanks hormones! Everyone assures me it's temporary, I can only hope!!), and always in a pony tail because little one loves to grab it and pull. He also loves to grab my jugular, I'm serious, my actual vein. If you don't hear from me for a couple of days, just assume that he's ripped it right on out of my neck and look for my obit in the Sunday paper. 4) Jeans and a t-shirt. I'm so so so bored, but this seems to be the only thing I can wear these days. Because of aforementioned spit-up, I don't dare wear anything delicate that can't be washed and dried regularly. I can't wear any relatively low-cut tops cuz I'm always leaning over to get Kenzo into or out of his stroller, and when carrying him he's pulling my neckline dangerously low. I also can't wear dresses because of breastfeeding. What am I gonna do, hike up the entire dress up above my boobs in the middle of the park? Riiiiiiiight. Speaking of jeans, can I just say that my favorite pair right now are maternity jeans from my sister? hahaha!! Even funnier, I couldn't wear them when I was actually pregnant! They're not the full panel kind, they have a thick elastic that went under the belly and was too tight on me, I was worried about hurting the baby! I've been back in my regular clothes since about 2 months postpartum, but these preggo jeans are just so damn comfortable, with the added benefit of skimming valuable seconds off of you trip to the bathroom cuz there is no button or zipper to mess with! haha!! 5) I love wearing Kenzo in his Mei Tai carrier, but there is one big fat problem. Key word here is FAT: Back Fat, Muffin Top, whatever you want to call it. The ties of the carrier dig right into my fat child bearing hips and it's NOT an attractive look. Yikes. 6) As mentioned above in #1, baby has been gnawing on my hands and arms lately. I'm like a human teether, and I enjoy it! But ashy arms is the price I pay since I don't dare use lotion knowing he'll be lapping it up in no time! 7) I've never had the best posture, but since having a baby I have become the hunchback of Bay Ridge! Hours upon hours of walking around bouncing the baby in those first couple of months did it. And now, hunching over the stroller or the crib or the playpen or the changing table, or sitting on the floor playing with him. I need some sort of back brace to force me to sit and stand up straight. 8) I'll finish up on a positive note. I have finally painted my toe nails!!! I couldn't reach my feet (comfortably) during the last few months of pregnancy, and after popping the baby out it was winter so what was the point. And if I was too tired to shower, how could I possibly paint my toe nails? But now spring is upon us and I finally got around to a self-pedicure. Looking down at my feet they look so alien!! What are these hot pink growths on my feet?? But, it was about time. Now if I could just start pumicing and lotioning them up on a regular basis, they might actually be presentable by mid-summer...
OK, you know all those public service announcement for young gays, or kids being bullied? Celebrities and non-celebrities alike talk about how it might suck now, but eventually your life will be awesome so you just gotta persevere. Well, this is that, except for new moms!! Dedicated to my friend and new mommy of 79 hours (give or take), Angela!
New moms out there, I know you love your new bundle of joy more than life itself and words can't describe the overwhelming amount of love you have for him or her. But you can admit it. Despite all of that love and that amazing tiny gorgeous creature you now have, you kinda feel like shit! But don't worry, IT GETS BETTER!! You are one exhausted haven't-slept-for-more-than-2-hours-straight-in-weeks zombie of a mommy. Sometimes when your little one wakes you up to feed you feel like rolling over and covering your head with your pillow. Don't worry... IT GETS BETTER!! Those stretches of unbroken sleep will get longer and longer and within a few months you should be up to a glorious 8-9 hours of unbroken night time sleep. OH THE JOY!!! And when you do wake up to feed your little one after that scrumptiously sound slumber, you'll be like "OMG I missed you!!" *snuggle* So, your nipples are sore, cracked, bleeding, crusted over... what other disgusting words can I use to describe the monstrosities that have taken over what used to be your magnificent rack!? They no longer belong to you or your husband, they are the sole property of your little one, who frankly doesn't care that they are sore, cracked, bleeding, or crusted over. Baby wants milk and will get it when and where he wants it!! Grabbing, twisting, chomping, pulling - it's all fair game for baby and poor mommy has to just suffer through. Don't worry... IT GETS BETTER!! If you have it in the budget for a lactation consultant (a few hundred bucks per visit) - it's probably worth it in the first few days or weeks to make sure you've got position and latch right. If it's not in the budget, make sure you do research in books and online, cuz if the latch is wrong it will hurt more, can cause damage, and might interfere with baby getting enough milk and thus cause trouble with establishing a good milk supply. But, assuming everything is fine in those departments, you probably still have extremely sore nipples and huge painful boobs. Am I right? But as your nipples toughen up, they will become less and less sore and the cracking and scabbing and grossness will go away. Might take a month or 2, but trust me, they won't look like that for the duration of your nursing period!! And as you get into a regular feeding schedule, the engorgement will ease off and you will no longer require Lamaze breathing to get you through the pain of taking your bra on and off, and the droplets from the shower will no longer make you wince! They may blow up occasionally if your little one sleeps longer than usual, but it's quickly resolved after he wakes up and chugs away! Or you can always express some in the shower or into the sink! Winded just going up one flight of stairs? Can't stand for more than a few minutes or can't sit down without a donut pillow? Feel like your insides are going to come out and your ass is going to explode when it's time to "drop the kids off at the pool"?? Don't worry... IT GETS BETTER!! Your body went to hell and back carrying your child and especially pushing him out into this world. You can't expect everything to just sky rocket back to normal the next day. God, it'd be nice, but just doesn't happen unfortunately. It takes time. LOTS of time! And lots of Kegels. Eventually you'll no longer be terrified of pooping, blowing your nose, coughing, sneezing, or doing the deed with your hubby. By your 6-week check up you should be more or less back to normal, and those first few weeks are rough so take it slow. They're serious when they say don't do much the first 2 weeks. So don't!! But there are a lot of things out there to help when it comes to the bathroom business - stool softeners (or just extra fiber & water), squirt bottles, and witch hazel pads are all awesome so give them a try! Your baby is crying and crying and you're going through the mental checklist (hungry? needs to burp? dirty diaper? too hot/cold? sleepy?) and nothing is helping. Out of frustration and exhaustion and feeling like you're the worst mother who can't comfort her own baby, you start crying, too. Oh yikes. To hell in a hand basket. Don't worry... IT GETS BETTER!! Before you know it, you'll know what your baby needs before he even gets around to crying! And when he does cry, you'll know why and exactly what to do to fix it (well, most of the time). But, it takes a while to get to know your baby, so give it time, it will come! In the meantime, get "Happiest Baby on the Block" dvd and/or book. The techniques are AMAZING!!! Like, seriously. Get it!! Study it!! LIVE IT!!! DISCLAIMER: If you have any thoughts about hurting your baby or yourself, please seek professional help. While I'm trying to be both helpful and humorous with my IT GETS BETTER post, postpartum depression is no laughing matter! • If you need immediate help, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) • If you are looking for pregnancy or postpartum support and local resources, please call or email us: Call PSI Warmline (English & Spanish) 1-800-944-4PPD (4773) Email support@postpartum.net I knew this day would come. I had been warned. But there is no way to prepare yourself for the trauma of your hair falling out. It's like someone has been slipping chemo into my morning cereal. (I know I know, shame on me for even slightly comparing this to the hair loss associated with cancer treatment.)
I had read that postpartum hair loss is common, about 80% of women experience it. Increased Estrogen (you can always blame hormones, can't you!?) during pregnancy extend the growing phase of the hair cycle and you don't shed the normal amount (100 hairs a day), giving us those glorious silky and shiny full heads of hair! But after childbirth, the estrogen drops and suddenly all that hair you normally would have shed while pregnant (and then some!!) comes out all at once! It started gradually for me a couple of weeks ago, so I thought that was it. OK OK not so bad, I can handle this! And hey, I thought, what if I don't brush my hair and only wash it once a week, that will conserve it even more! HA! Nice one. Of course that didn't work. Instead, I found myself mid-shower today standing in a sea of my own hair. Every time I gently ran my hand down my hair another clump would ease its way out. I had been considering chopping my hair off for Locks of Love, but now I think I might need that donation to make a wig for myself! In the meantime, I gotta keep up with cleaning the house more. Every time Kenzo gives a little cough while kicking about on his play mat I quickly check to make sure he hasn't found one of my many hairballs wafting about on our apartment floor! So, yes, I'm losing hair. But it's not just me! The inside of Kenzo's hat is covered in tiny little hairs every time I pull it off. And the back of his head looks like we went at it with a razor, I mean, completely bald!! He's also got a thinning streak across both sides of his head. Poor guy doesn't realize that repeatedly turning his head right and left when laying down is giving him one wacky do!
Despite having read all the books and gotten the down and dirty play by play from friends and family, I definitely ran across a few surprises during my pregnancy and after giving birth. Here's a fun list I and some mommy friends came up with - feel free to add your own nuggets!!
1) The linea nigra doesn’t go away for a LONG time (mine didn't show up til the 9th month, but now 3 months postpartum it's still there, but fading slowly) <**Update: June 25 - 6 months postpartum, it's almost completely gone, just the faintest of faintest lines remain> 2) Just when you think you’ve made it through without any stretch marks, they can arrive AFTER delivery – hoorah! 3) Things down under won’t look the same after a vaginal birth (i.e. formerly sealed parts are no longer so and will remain that way, WHAAAAAAAAA??? learned this at my 6 week postpartum checkup) 4) Washable nursing pads are a joke and last all of 30 minutes before you’re dripping through your shirt (if you’re an over-supplier as I am). **Tip - get the disposable ones, they are miraculous!! 5) Newborns have explosive poops that hilariously trigger their startle reflex! 6) Your milk will be out of control, shooting your little one all over the face, running all over yourself when you're drying off from your shower (during which they were doing their own bit of shower) 7) During labor and pushing, you really do feel like a bowling ball is coming out of your a$$. Afterwards, you will dread anything coming out of said orifice, and when it does, some say it's worse than childbirth!! **Tip, lots of water, fiber, & stool softeners, and for cleaning up - water spritzer & moist witch hazel pads (not toilet paper, ouch) 8) Pooping will not be your only dreaded bodily function for about a week after giving birth. Sneezing and coughing will put the fear of god in you for sure! 9) Babies have great timing for peeing and pooping the second you take off that diaper. Be prepared for yourself and surrounding walls and furniture to get covered in #1 and #2 a few times! **Tip, cover your boy's bits immediately after pulling the diaper back - you can use a peepee teepee, a washcloth, or my personal favorite, a wipe. 10) Your baby's soft spot will randomly pulsate, taking on a life of its own - FREAKY! 11) If breastfeeding, food cravings and hunger can be worse than while pregnant! Who'd have though!? Alas, you are burning a lot more calories, so it makes sense! 12) You might go an entire day(s) without changing your clothes or brushing your teeth, and you really won't care! haha! 13) Immediately after giving birth, you still look about 7 months pregnant. It gradually deflates over the first few weeks.
We had ourselves a little Christmas baby just over 2 months ago. Little Kenzo arrived at 1:19 PM on Christmas day after a grueling 50 hour labor. With the help of Hypnobabies, I labored at home with my husband until hour 40, when I finally reached the point where contractions were close enough by the midwife's instructions (2-3 minutes apart for a few hours) to head to the hospital. We delivered at Manhattan's St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital's Birthing Center which was a wonderful experience!! You labor, deliver, and stay one night postpartum in a private room with a jacuzzi and queen size bed where dad and baby can stay with you the entire time. It's natural births only there, so there wasn't even a suggestion about pain meds and the midwife and nurse were AMAZING at getting me through the labor and getting my little one to progress down and out. They had me (and my husband!!) doing lunges and squat/sways up and down the hallways. That was TORTURE but I guess it did the trick. After breaking my water (the only intervention) and 1.5 hours of pushing, out he came and straight on my chest for kangaroo care. We both got the OK from the professionals and were discharged a mere 28 hours after birth.
Yes, it was incredibly painful. Yes, it was exhausting. But I am glad I went the natural route and it was a truly empowering experience. I knew the pain was productive and not due to sickness or injury (well, maybe the pain immediately AFTER the birth was injury-related pain, haha), and I knew it had a definitive end point. Each "pressure wave" (what hypnobabies moms call contractions) worked its way up to the intolerable point, but only stayed there for about 30 seconds or so and then eased its way back down and gave me a minute or two respite before the next one. Anyone can get through 30 seconds of excruciating pain, knowing it will go away (and come back, yuck), especially with wonderful and patient coaching. If I could have had an epidural with the 100% guarantee that it wouldn't slow down my progress and lead to the need for pitocin, wouldn't hinder my ability to push, wouldn't take away my right to eat and drink and move about on my own, and wouldn't ultimately end in a c-section, then yes, I most definitely would have gone for it! And it seems most women in America do go for it (and most doctors and nurses encourage or even push it). Unfortunately, the risks I mentioned are quite frequent with epidurals (if you haven't seen it, watch "The Business of Being Born" - an amazing documentary about childbirth in America). I do not judge anyone who goes that route, in fact, up until a year ago when I watched that documentary I had no doubt that it would be epidural city for me!! But in the end, it just wasn't worth the risk for me and luckily I was able to endure the "discomfort" (another hypnobabies term, which looking back, is freaking HILARIOUS). I could not wrap my head around was the price tag associated with this natural birth and short hospital stay. A whopping $25,000 was billed to my insurance company!! After paring that down using their "contracted rates", $15,000 was paid out by my insurance company to the hospital and my midwives' practice, and $3,000 was owed by my own little pocket. My city/county/state employed teacher friends like to brag that they paid a mere $25-100 for each of their births. My UK friends brag that it's entirely free over there!! In Japan, childbirth is not covered by insurance, but your city pays you a healthy stipend after you report the birth (part of their attempt to reverse their ever decreasing birth rate), usually around $3,000 I believe, which basically covers prenatal visits, birth, and ONE WEEK (luxurious and relaxing) stay at the birth clinic. But America's ridiculously problematic health care system is no surprise, after all... So, what was your birth experience like? Gimme the good, the bad, and the ugly! Born in Philadelphia and raised in New Jersey and North Carolina, no one would have guessed I'd move to Japan for 5 years, but long story short that is just what happened. I am a product of the JET Programme, a teaching exchange program that sends native English speakers to Japan to teach English and increase international awareness at public schools and in the community. It was a wonderful experience which I owe my deep gratitude for because it was during my stint in Ibaraki Prefecture that I met my wonderful amazing husband. How we met is a rather funny story (gay night at the club Ageha in Tokyo), but basically we dated briefly before I returned to America, did a year and a half of long distance with various rendezvous in Vietnam, America, and Japan, and finally I returned to Japan to make sure he was really "the one". Indeed he was and within a few years we were engaged, had a magical destination wedding in Hawaii, and finally quit our jobs, traveled the world for 1 month (literally - 9 countries!) and settled in the Big Apple.
On my 30th birthday we decided it was time to work on expanding our family, and it took 4 months to get the thrilling double line on the pee stick, followed by 9 long weeks of intense morning sickness, ick. I'm currently sitting here at 39 weeks, already on maternity leave, with my wee little bun in the oven not quite ready to come out it seems, which gives me a nice period to relax, nest, and get this blog started! Hooray! Being American but having lived in Japan for 5 years and having married into a Japanese family, I have come to be quite familiar with the good, the bad, and the ugly of both the Japanese and American cultures. That said, it seems there is always a new shocker right around the corner in my household. "You think you'll get diarrhea if your stomach gets cold?" "A baby's name can bring them bad luck depending on the number of strokes in the kanji character, and the day/time/location of their birth??" "Your company actually thinks we'd be cool with you moving back to Japan, without your family, for a couple of years???" I mean, wow! But no matter the issue, it really is fascinating to delve into the reasoning and history behind it, which usually leads you to a better understanding. Now, whether or not you agree with the argument and the solution is a whole other story, but these are some of the fun things we'll be covering in this blog! But not just US-Japanese cultural issues, but also ones more generally applicable to any parents - such as whether or not to vaccinate, how to choose a pediatrician, shopping for baby on a budget, finding mommy support groups, etc! I hope you'll not just be a loyal reader, but also an active participant in the discussions! Please let me know if you have a topic you'd like to guest blog about, or one you'd like to see me post about. All opinions are welcome!! |
About ME:I'm a NYC metro area mom blogger living in NJ with my Japanese husband & our 3 kids (twins plus 1), focusing on fun and honest product and travel reviews, saving moms time finding the best for their families! Find what you need in the menu bar or search section above! Categories
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