How To Cope When Parenting Feels Like Too Much To Handle

Contributed post.

​Parenting is tough no matter how you slice it. After all, what could be more complex, strange, and important than bringing a brand new human being in the world, and being responsible for - oh, we don’t know - absolutely everything that defines their development?

That’s how it feels, at least. Though it’s important to remember that a child isn’t a blank slate, they do come with some pre-packaged personality, and like or not, the world and their peers will also have their part in raising them.

While it’s certainly the most important and consequential thing anyone could do with their time here, it’s fair to say that there’s no perfect way to do it, and you will make mistakes. That’s okay, you don’t have to create the perfect person, just give them the appropriate tools, caregiving and guidance to let them out into the world with confidence (when that time comes).

It’s understandable, given the context, why so many parents feel like their responsibilities are too much to handle. That feeling might not always be there, it may come or go or be put to the test during a major life upheaval. When it does come, how do you cope and move through it?

That’s what the below post is about. We hope the following warm suggestions give you comfort:

Learn To Identify & Accept That Feeling

It’s not a nice feeling to feel overwhelmed, exasperated or frayed, and because you may feel lesser for it, you’re likely to push those feelings down and away. That doesn’t make them disappear though, it just bottles it. 

To healthly express them before they pop, you could start simply acknowledging it and accepting it for what it is. You might notice it as a heaviness in your chest or a sense of dread when your child asks for something. Just tell yourself that this is a normal part of the journey and you don’t have to create the perfect person, knowing that every parent goes through this occasionally, and you’re doing much better than you think (which is true).

It’ll help you also make room for the following practices:

Practice Self-Care As If You Were Raising Yourself With Love

You have a child to care for, and it's easy to put your own needs on the back burner because of that. However, if you do for too long, it can leave you feeling completely drained. To help alleviate this, you could try to think of your own self-care with the same love you give to your child. 

You might schedule a little time each day just for yourself, maybe just for five minutes. This could be a quiet cup of coffee before the day starts or a short walk around the block. You could also get back into an old hobby you loved, or try a new one you’ve always wanted to explore. Speak to yourself with kindness, and let yourself have the small comforts of nourishment that help. Don’t feel guilty about them. Sometimes just being a bit slower and kinder helps us recuperate.

Rely On The Support Structure You Have

You don’t have to do it all by yourself, so lean on the support structure you have. This could be your partner, a family member, or a friend you can trust to look after your little one while you go for a spa afternoon. You could also look into tools that can help you manage your day-to-day routine like the top apps for autism if you have an autistic child and need help adapting to their special needs. Such friends and tools can help you stay organized and communicate more effectively, and also gain a break when you need to.

Moreover, having such planning capabilities should help you feel less burdened by circumstance, because the momentum of routine will free up your energy and prevent you from having to plan things anew each day.

Remind Yourself Of What It’s All For
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When that aforementioned feeling hits you, it’s wise to take a moment and remind yourself of what it’s all for. You’re raising a person who will one day go out into the world and find their own way. They will have their own friends, family, and passions, and they’ll be a good person who is kind and confident. But in the meantime you get to experience the joys of childhood, to show them the things you love, and to help them explore their own strengths and interests.

Reminding yourself of this bigger picture can help you get through the smaller day-to-day struggles, and it can bring a sense of purpose to the little moments that might feel like a lot right now.

Take Some Time For A Personal Project

A personal project is a way to feel more like yourself again outside of your role as a parent. If you have a small hobby you can keep up in your free time, suchas learning to bake bread, getting back into painting, or just reading a book for a few minutes each day, you have a sense of life outside of parenthood.

The project should be just for you, and you should do it without any pressure or expectations. This can help you feel like you have a piece of your own identity separate from your children - that sounds horrible on the surface, but is actually a very understandable human need. Don’t worry, your own children won’t want to be constantly interacting with you every moment as they grow as well, it’s natural to have small periods of calm.

Give Yourself A Break

You’re doing your best, and you need to give yourself a break. Nobody is perfect, and while you’re doing an amazing job, you’re not a superhero; you will make mistakes and have days where you just don't have it in you to do everything. Maybe you wanted to polish your children’s school shoes today but didn’t have time. Did it make you a failure as a parent? Of course not. If you mind your self-talk in that way, you’ll feel less discomfort that comes from continual self-criticism.

With this advice, we hope you can cope even when parenting feels like too much to handle. If these problems become entrenched, please speak to a doctor.