Protecting Your Child's Passport & Cultural Identity in Divorce

Contributed post.

Travel documents, particularly your child’s passport, seem like a small item when compared to the many things involved in divorce. However, when each parent wants to travel (especially internationally) with your children, the seemingly simple process of obtaining a new passport can quickly escalate into a dispute regarding which parent will be able to take your children on vacation or even back home.

​For many families, there are strong ties to multiple countries. In addition to being a travel document, a child’s passport can provide access to extended family members, languages and cultures, family traditions, and a sense of identity for a child. It makes good sense to consider travel arrangements and heritage issues as important items to resolve early, rather than waiting until you have resolved the emotional issues associated with divorce.

Waiting Too Long To Resolve Travel Arrangements

Many people assume that disputes related to travel can be delayed until both parties have had time to calm down. Unfortunately, schools close during breaks; visa applications expire; and extended family members living outside of the United States do not typically delay their invitations to visit.

Disputes over passports are frequently used as proxies for deeper concerns related to trust and control. For example, one parent may worry that the other will remove the children from the United States permanently. Conversely, one parent may fear that his/her children will gradually lose connection with extended family members living outside of the United States. Disagreements over passports often result in lengthy litigation to determine whose interpretation is correct.

Treating Heritage as An Optional Extra

Bicultural children do not view heritage as an optional extra. Rather, it is a major part of their daily lives. They learn through food, language, holidays, names, and communication with relatives who live in different parts of the world. Over time, this may create a diminished scope for a child’s world.

Preserving heritage may involve maintaining opportunities for travel, allowing visits with extended family members located outside of the U.S., and assuring that cultural practices continue to be practiced by both households. Attorneys experienced in handling family law cases, such as attorneys at law offices of Mariam Ebrahimi PLLC, can assist parents in developing strategies for resolving these issues as part of a broader discussion related to joint custody and travel.

Allowing Verbal Commitments To Become Binding Without Written Confirmation

Many divorced/separated parents attempt to establish informal agreements via phone calls/texts/e-mails regarding these matters. While this method can be effective initially, problems arise when it fails. Each party recalls the agreed-upon length of stay differently. One party books flights without obtaining written confirmation for travel. Before long, the dispute is no longer merely about the duration of the trip. Instead, it has escalated to an issue of whether either party can rely upon the other for compliance with their commitments.

Formalizing these agreements in writing will alleviate much of this tension. Each party should clearly state dates, destinations, requirements for communication/contact information, and access to documentation. This provides stability for children regardless of how often they witness or receive copies of the actual agreements.

Focusing On The Needs Of The Child For Years Ahead

Passports are easily seen as an official government-issued document. However, for children, passports are so much more. Passports represent continued access to their family, heritage/culture, and feelings of belonging. When separating, providing access to a child’s heritage requires more than just goodwill. Providing access to a child’s heritage requires planning, specificity, and a commitment to think beyond the immediate arguments. Parents’ roles and responsibilities change after separation. Children should not need to sacrifice a portion of their identity/history because parents were unable/unwilling to develop adequate protective measures for their children’s needs.