When Children Refuse to See a Parent for Visitation

Contributed post.

​In the US, more than half of child custody cases saw parents agreeing that the mother should have the kids' physical custody. But in a situation where the relationship between a father and a child got strained, the child often refuses to meet their father during visitation. It is a very demanding emotional situation for all involved.

The child's custody age provides an additional complication to the situation. The courts consider the child's developmental stage and needs when making custody arrangements to create a positive parent-child relationship, promote better child growth, and guarantee general well-being. There is no legal age for this. 

Most jurisdictions consider the increasing maturity of the child and tend to give more weight to the child's options during the adolescent years. In some jurisdictions, parents must enter co-parenting programs as part of their divorce or separation. 

Research shows that parental education programs improve parent-child communication, reduce parental stress, and provide a better arrangement for the child's environment. For more information and resources on this topic, visit this site: https://www.bundylawoffice.com/.

Let’s discuss what happens when a child refuses to see a parent:

Understanding the Child's Perspective

When a child rejects the opportunity of seeing a parent, the parent must place himself or herself in the shoes of the child and come to understand what the child is feeling or thinking.

There are several reasons why children refuse to be visited, such as they may be distressed, or upset about the divorce or the separation. They might have unresolved problems or conflicts with the parent they would not like to see. 

Listen to your child, and accept their feelings even where you yourself do not really know what they feel or may disagree with them.

According to a  child custody law firm, it’s natural for parents to want as much custody time as possible, but in some cases, the parents’ personal issues with one another can influence their decisions when it comes to resolving custody disputes. 

In cases where the child refuses to see a parent, it’s important to look at the child's age and developmental stage to understand the perspectives of the child. 

Younger children will find transitioning and changes more difficult, whereas older kids might be able to understand it much better, yet conflicted in feelings is what they are still experiencing.

Putting yourself in the child’s situation will let you understand what she is going through and help in managing this challenging situation. The feelings should be matched, and working together will finally give a solution that works for the child.

Identifying the Root Causes

To effectively treat the problems of children refusing visitation with a particular parent, one must look further into the reasons for the opposition. Seeing the child as stubborn or just influenced by the parent with custody is too simple. Numerous reasons could account for the refusal to attend visitations. Here are some reasons that could have contributed to the child's refusal to attend visitations:

You cannot exclude the possibility that the child perceives conflict or tension between their parents. If a child is subjected to an environment filled with constant arguments, animosity, or even physical abuse between the parents, then the child may share such feelings against visitations. The need to protect themselves from emotional distress may lead to this refusal on the part of the child.

Another possible cause to look into is the child's fear of abandonment. Divorce or separation is a very challenging situation for children, and they may somehow develop a fear that spending time with the noncustodial parent will, in turn, take away the time they have with the custodial parent. Such fear serves to refuse visitation with the other parent as a mechanism for self-preservation.

Children may refuse visitation based on feelings of loyalty towards one parent. They may feel caught in the middle, compelled to choose sides or shield one parent from the other, rejecting visitation with the parent they view as the 'opponent.'

Communicating With the Child

Open communication with the child establishes an environment that affords him or her freedom to voice feelings and concerns. The parent must allow the child to express emotions regarding visitation and listen to them without being judgmental. Know the emotions of the child and assure them that they are not alone in their feelings.

Apply the most appropriate language and concepts based on his or her age. A simple explanation of what visitation is and why the relationships with both parents matter should be given to the child. Be careful not to blame or badmouth the other parent, since the children will be confused and upset by the discussion.

Another factor for such discussions is listening. Be truly interested in what the child is saying and develop the discussion by asking open-ended questions. Reflect on the speaker, showing acknowledgment and appreciation of their perspective.

Try to remain patient and understanding at this stage. Maybe they need time to process their emotions and become acclimated to mounting changes. Offer support and give reassurances that their feelings do matter.

Seeking Professional Help

Consider contacting a licensed therapist or counselor who can help you refuse visitation. These interventions would support your endeavors for assistance with matters regarding refusal between you and your child. Therapists or counselors could explain the child's perspective and feelings while offering solutions to improve communication and create a rapport between parent and child.

The professional will be there for you to lessen your anxieties during such trying times. Those qualified individuals will help bring to the surface with you any potential reasons for the refusal of visitation and will commit themselves to resolving those issues. This could include going through past trauma and inter-parental conflict together or brainstorming ideas to improve the child's feelings of security and safety.

Therapists help create a neutral, safe atmosphere wherein feelings, concerns, and ideas can be exchanged by either party. The therapist will encourage worthy discussions and constructive solutions. Entering therapy or counseling is a proactive step toward sorting out the denial of visitation so that human relations between a parent and child can be nurtured.

Rebuilding the Parent-Child Relationship

Build open communication and spend quality time with him or her. The relationship and bond with your child can be developed with time, though it is possible.

Make sure that you give your child a safe and conducive environment where he or she can be able to express his or her thoughts and feelings as he or she pleases. Perceive expression as a dialogue by hearing his or her issues and authenticating his or her emotions. Not to judge or criticize, but in the eyes of the child, attempt to see the situation. Show sympathy and assure the child that his or her parents are there to help and love him or her unconditionally.

A little quality time would nurture the rekindling of this parent-child relationship. Now, there should be planning involved for nice things to do together so that they can talk and connect. Walking, cooking, or just hanging out and enjoying a sport together may be what the day offers. Positive experiences will create connections and memories that last forever. Be fully present with your child, truly interested in what they say about their life.

Re-establishment of trust is the repair of the parent-child relationship. Be consistent with what you say and do, and keep your promises. Get used to doing things that reunite child and parent occasionally, as the actual rebuilding takes time, so be patient and understand if your child shows resistance or hesitation at the very beginning. 

Persistence, love, and effort can restore the parent-child relationship, forging a stronger bond that will endure forever.

When children resist visiting a parent, great empathy and goodwill need to enter the situation. Finding out exactly what's stopping the child from seeing the parent and telling this person about it can help mend the parent-child relationship.

Professional help may also be of some assistance in handling this difficult position. Patience and persistence go a really long way in creating a healthy and positive environment for both the parent and the child.