No, He's Not Adopted!

6/26/2013

My husband is Japanese and I'm your standard run of the mill white American. As soon as we got pregnant, everyone was all "You are gonna have the cutest baby EVER!!!" which was fun to hear (a million times!) but how do you respond to that? "Thanks"? "I hope so"?

We were riddled with a mixture of curiosity and anxiety over what our lil' munchkin would look like. Would he get my husband's teeny tiny eyes and my huge nose? Would he look albino with my pasty complexion and my husband's Asian features? Other than the obvious fears of the child being born with a major physical or mental disability, my biggest 100% superficial and selfish worry was that our baby would look 100% Asian and people would think he was adopted.

Well, I definitely think he looks mixed, a perfect mix if you ask me, but my previous fear came to fruition a couple of days ago for the first time. I was with Kenzo at the local bagel shop and a lady (she was Asian, not sure from where) is looking between him and me quizzically, then says to me out of the blue and all matter of factly "He looks Asian". So many creative and fun ways I could have responded. But she caught me completely off guard!! I replied, "Ah, haha, yes, well his father is Japanese". OK, not so unusual... I've had several strangers ask me if his daddy was Asian - mostly people who have a child or grandchild who is half white half Asian - I guess there is a certain happa / haafu / half / mixed / whatever you wanna call it "look". But the kicker is how she responded... "Oh, I thought you adopted him from China". Agh. There it is. Why this offended me so much I do not know. I see nothing wrong with adopting, and nothing wrong with Chinese people, and nothing wrong with adopting a child from China... but the fact is I did NOT adopt a child from China, nor does my child have anything to do with China. He is half JAPANESE and half ME and didn't yo mama teach you if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all??? Telling someone their child looks adopted is not especially nice. Grrrr...

He's mine I tell ya!! Mine all mine!!!

On a lighter note, have you ever taken the All Looks Same exam? They show you various Asian faces and you guess if they're Japanese, Chinese, Korean, etc. You will fail. I promise! It's crazy when you don't have fashion or accent to take into account... even Asians fail this exam!

Like my blog? Vote here:

Vote For Us @ TopBaby Blogs! The Best Baby Blog Directory

8 Comments

Jennifer link

6/26/2013 06:56:12 am

Oh no! Well, you knew this day would come. It is still unbelievable that anyone would say it, even if they are thinking it. It's like those that ask when a mom is due, AFTER she's already had her baby. Ouch!

Lorna link

7/7/2013 09:20:23 am

My daughter is 1/2 Japanese & 1/2 English, and I also had a mom from my daughter's school tell me she thought my girl was from China! Truth of the matter is, even though I was born here and both my parents were born here over 80 years ago, my husband is considered more Canadian than I am, even though he immigrated here from England 20 years ago. l always get people asking me if my husband is Canadian (meaning, is he caucasian) while I will always be viewed as being Japanese Canadian, never just a Canadian.
As for my teen daughter, she embraces both her Japanese & English sides equally, and has had to deal with not too much in the way of racism, but I'm sure when she is out with her dad, there are those who assume he adopted her. BTW, you may be interested in a documentary produced by Meditating Bunny called One Happa Family, about the challenges of growing up as a mixed raced child.
Thank you for sharing, & your son is a real cutie! ;-)

Heather link

7/7/2013 03:12:11 pm

Hi Lorna, thank you for sharing!! It's amazing how ignorant people can be. Have you seen the video "What Kind of Asian are You"? It's hilarious, kinda sad, but hilarious ^_^
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ

It sounds like you're doing well raising your daughter to embrace her whole self through both of her halves. Thanks for letting me know about the documentary, definitely going to check it out!!

Tania Pereyra

1/4/2014 02:08:45 am

I just discovered your blog and I am in love. I am mixed race (half Japanese half Portuguese) born and raised in Brazil. My husband is Dominican american. Our son arrived last March. We live in NYC as well and guess my son's name??!! Kenzo.
When my husband is out qith the baby people always give him a weird look trying to guess if he is the father or he is a male nanny. And then the " he looks Asian" comment to follow. At least is an opportunity for my husband explain the mom is half Japanese.
We have our challenges to keep all of our cultures alive(Brazilian, Japanese, Portuguese, Dominican) so our baby Kenzo can learn his background. Congrats on the blog. And much success on your business ventures.

Heather link

1/4/2014 02:21:43 am

Congrats on your little Kenzo, Tania! Thank you so much for dropping a line - I love to hear from my readers ^_^ Hope to "see you around" on the blog and our facebook page: www.facebook.com/usjapanfam

Kerrie McGiveron link

8/11/2014 07:31:09 am

Aww. I think you do have the cutest baby! People are rude asking you if he is adopted - I think you look like a super cute family xxx :) Lovely blog!

Heather link

8/11/2014 08:33:41 am

Thank you Kerrie!! That's so sweet :)

Jessica

5/26/2015 02:55:32 am

My son is half Korean and half white. We cut his light brown hair recently, and I have had soo many people ask me if I adopted him Koreans and other people. My son looks a lot like his appa (daddy) but I still feel bothered by the question. Before people just stated "his father's Asian" now they don't think he is even part of me. I love my sons Korean side, but he is also partially me.

No, He's Not Adopted!

Leave a Reply.

About ME:

Categories

Archives